ups and downs

I love this picture Chris took of tio Gustavo and Domi this weekend. We were in Morris this weekend with tio G and the family. We had a nice weekend and spend some quality time with tio Gustavo and tia Leticia. The weather was nice enough to even play outside. I know I've said I don't want to rush through Domi's little babyhood to get to his toddlerhood, but it will be fun when Domi can run around after his primas. They were so hilarious this weekend, singing and playing and having a good time. Domi once again was so enamored of his cousins, he would stare at their antics, and then when the volume got to be too much, he would let out a squeal.
Domi's two front teeth have poked through now, but they are still coming down. Boy are they big! It's actually very cute when he smiles.
So on to the title of this post. Our babysitter has, as Chris put it, "unquit". She came today and said that she wants to try to work it out with us. She said she really likes us, loves Domingo, and likes this job. We told her our first preference is to have her stay, but of course can't ask her to make herself sick. And we aren't going to get rid of Oslo. I'm through deluding myself that someone will take him in, and also he's ours and we're sticking with him, for better or worse. When the time comes for him to go to that dog park in the sky, we'll be ready, oh my will we be ready, but I can't do it just because he's inconvenient. Ana also said that she did not want that on her conscience.
So now as a result, we are left sort of in limbo. She's going to try some new medicine that her friend told her about, and we have agreed to keep Oslo shaved and try to keep our apartment as clean as possible. But we have no guarantee that this won't come up again in a few weeks or months, and at that point we won't be able to go back to the agency for referrals without them charging us again. I can't help feeling that this is a less than ideal way to leave things. I'm also left wondering if maybe we aren't all just deluding ourselves that this can work.
I have said this so many times I beginning to wonder if I'm trying to convince myself of something, but here it is again: I really trust Ana, I feel completely comfortable going to work, knowing that my son is in good, safe, loving hands. We have our differences, mainly stemming from the fact (only in my opinion) that she and I both are very strong willed people, and she feels that she has more experience with children. She's right, but at the end of the day, Domingo is my son, so what I say goes. I don't want to pull that card out too often, or act like an ogre. I want this to be a good place to work for her, and to get along with her. But, I often feel like she thinks my inexperience makes my opinion, or my actions suspect, and I have a real problem with that. I hate being criticized in general, and prickle instantly at the mere suggestion that everything I do for my son isn't the bestest most perfect thing I could be doing. I suppose it's good to get another, seasoned opinion every now and then, but I had been feeling kind of nit picked and judged by her, and I was getting fed up. Before this crisis occurred, Chris and I wanted to sit down with her in as non-confrontational a manner as possible to discuss our (read: my) concerns about all this. But then when she said she had to quit, I realized all these "concerns" were really minor compared to the big picture of being comfortable with leaving Domingo with her. Then when we were faced with the prospect of getting new nanny, I felt both terrified, yet optimistic that maybe we'd find someone that wouldn't have these same issues. The problem with that theory is that she'd probably have a whole other set of issues to deal with. It's the devil you know vs. the one you don't, so we'll stick with the one we know, at least while she'll have us. Chris and I will still have our non-confrontational chat with Ana, probably in the next few days. I really want to have this be the best situation possible, the most important thing for me in this world is Domingo. Hopefully all this literal and figurative air clearing will be good for us all.