down memory lane

I don't know why, but lately the kids have been really into watching old home videos of themselves and Chris and I from when we were not nearly as grey as we are today. And last weekend my mom had some long-time (notice I didn't say old) family friends over and they watched old home videos of when we were kids and they were so young. It must be something about the fall air. Needless to say, it got me in the blogging mood, and I often go back through the archives and look at how these children have gotten so big. Seriously, who snatched my babies away and replaced them with these giant children? Domingo is just such a boy I can't stand it. We were watching a video of Domi's first bath (not one I've put on this blog since it is a little too full-frontal) and I was dumb-struck by just how small he was. He was so YELLOW! Like a little sweet potato! It cracks me up now to think how defensive I was about it at the time. Also, Amalia LOVES this video and asks for it over and over despite the fact that it makes her a little weepy herself since she gets very distraught by the "baby crying." She is another one. Although all of my photos and videos of Amalia's first days (that were not preserved on this blog) were lost when the computer died, I still remember like it was a moment ago, just how small and delicate and impossibly perfect she was when she was born. Now she is such a child it stops me in my tracks on occasion. She is the queen of "by myself" or "mom let ME help YOU." She also has the need to "tell" you something of the utmost urgency, usually when you are in the middle of talking to someone else. She will grab my face and hold it in her two hands and plea urgently, "mom I have to tell you something." That something is usually what she had for lunch or that she went to the park or that she wants a snack. Her enthusiasm and new found independence are so incredible, particularly considering about a year and a half ago I was so concerned that she wasn't talking enough! HA!
Domingo made a comment to me today that normally would have me laughing my head off, but today just made us both sit and think for awhile. He said "mom when I'm a grown up, you'll be so OLD!" Then he said he didn't want me to be old because he always wanted me to be his mom. This child is four and he's thinking about things that are so delicate and sophisticated and hard to grapple with! We talked about it for a while, I explained that I would always be his mom no matter how old he gets, no matter how old I get. That is one of the wonderful and infuriating things about moms, no matter what you do, where you are, who you become, we are always going to be your mom!
And as I sit here in our nice cozy living room looking out at the changing fall leaves, I really do have a twinge of bittersweet feeling that these are the last of the baby times for me. That from now on, it will just be looking at pictures and videos not holding and nuzzling feathery soft milky babies. But then I get pounced on by my lion-boy and snuggled by my t-rex girl and I guess I can make do with the baby pictures if I get to keep wrestling with the real deals.